Sunday, November 25, 2018

Time To Punch Your Ticket To The After Life

We were exhausted.  All the changes we had to make, the tasks we had to do, and our ever worsening PTSD were taking a serious toll on us.   All this was compounded by things still happening to us.  We struggled nearly daily just to keep moving forward.  We leaned on each other for strength and the will to continue the fight.

I was going to clean everything in the house with hot salt water as Amy had instructed us to do.  I waited until everyone was out of the house just in case things turned ugly and violent.  If anything was to happen, I didn't want my family here.  I was willing to take the brunt of anything that decided to fight back.  Not going to lie either, I was scared however I pushed through it.  I wanted this to be over; to get our lives back and to become a loving family again.

I played the Reiki music as I started on the west side of the house.  My plan was to move toward the room on the southeast side of the house; Heidi's room.  We always felt that was the room where everything originated.  I approached it as if I was sweeping up a mess on the floor.  I would just sweep everything into a pile into that room and then toss it back to the hell from which it came.   Not a bad plan I thought but someone had other things in mind.

I filled a bucket with hot salt water.  I made it hot enough to last me a while as I wanted to do the cleaning as quickly as possible.  I didn't want to leave any window of opportunity open for anything to take control of me.  As I started to clean the walls, I silently said a prayer.  I prayed for help, guidance, and strength.  As I went to dip the sponge back into the bucket, the water had turned ice cold.  What the hell, I had just filled it up with nearly scolding hot water!  Just as finished that thought, I heard a little giggle.  It was the laughter of a little girl.

"I guess you turned my water cold?", I said out loud.  "That wasn't very nice and I don't want you to do it again."

I dumped the water down the drain and started to fill the bucket back up with hot water & salt.

"Don't do touch my water this time. leave it alone." I yelled as I pulled the bucket out of the sink.

Shortly after saying that I heard running footsteps through heading toward the back of the house.   I guessed I made my point and went back to cleaning.  I worked quickly.  Through the mudroom into the living room. Then through the dining room, kitchen, and open bedroom.  I cleaned the front door, the foyer.  I was finally to the hallway about to make my way to the bedrooms.  I started in Emi's room, then into Chloe's room.  As I stood in front of Heidi's bedroom door, I paused.  Somehow in my mind, I knew this wasn't going to be easy.  I reached for the door knob and turned it but I couldn't open the door.  I pushed on it as hard as I could, putting my entire weight into it.  Still I couldn't open it.

I was scared and needed to regroup.  I was overcome with a sudden feeling of sadness and despair.  I walked away from the door and started to gain my composure.  I quickly thought that I needed fresh water.  Hotter water, as hot as I could stand to touch.  I dumped out the water and filled it up back up with hot water and salt.  I added extra salt for good measure.

"Here I come!", I yelled from the kitchen.  "I'm coming in and you can't stop me.  I'm stronger than you'll ever be!", I yelled as I made way to Heidi's bedroom door.

Before I could reach for the door knob, it opened slightly on it's own.  I pushed it open all the way with my foot and it slammed up against the wall.  The room was freezing.  The room had always felt cold in the past but this time it felt as if someone had left a window open during a snowstorm.  I started cleaning with purpose.  I cleaned the door first.  I thought whatever was in this room, it was now locked in here and if it wanted out it would have to through me.   I didn't talk and I didn't respond as I heard a man's voice sadly whisper, "why?"

I finished the room and stood at the doorway.  I didn't speak.  I felt I had nothing more to say to anything that was in this room.  I decided that my next course of action would be to dump the remaining hot salt water around the perimeter of the house.  I thought maybe it would keep anything else from coming inside and reeking havoc. 

I went back inside and lite frankincense and myrrh incense in every room in the house.  As I lite the last one, I could hear crying.  It was a crying like someone had just heard some devastating news.

As I waived the smoke from the incense around I said, "Cry all you want.  Cry day and night if it helps.  I'm punching your ticket to the after life and soon I'll be putting on the train to wherever that is going to be for you.  The Reiki's coming and your time is nearly up."

For the first time in a long time, I finally felt strong and in control.


1 comment:

Most recent blog entry

Time To Punch Your Ticket To The After Life

We were exhausted.  All the changes we had to make, the tasks we had to do, and our ever worsening PTSD were taking a serious toll on us.   ...

Most Popular Blog Post