Wednesday, September 4, 2019

The Waiting

After the Dead Files crew had packed up and left, we had things to do.  First and foremost was getting our house back and ridding ourselves of the things that had been terrorizing us for nearly 8 years.   This proved to be a daunting and challenge task however we got through it.  Our lives began to return to somewhat normal.

Our episode wasn't schedule to air until mid 2017.  We had no idea the exact date as that was up to The Travel Channel.  We were told we would have about a month's notice of the air date.   Having a year to get our lives back in order was a blessing because I think if the show would have aired a month after filming, there would have been no way we could have handled the attention.

That time before our episode aired was probably the most important part of our recovery.  It gave a moment to regroup, catch our breath, and heal.   What a lot people don't understand is that everything does not just get better after the reveal.  We were still tired and still suffering.  Our health vastly improved after the Reiki helped move crazy lady along, but she still left behind emotional damage.

We worked on protection techniques and supporting each other along the way.   Educating ourselves became something that was continuing and ongoing and we were finally moving forward. 

The girls were still suffering somewhat, especially Emi.   We started taking them to see a therapist, one that was open to hearing our story.   Sharing what happened with someone who believed them and did not judge was a real help for them.  As a matter of fact, it help all of us.

Our lives where finally starting to get back to normal but the scars remained.   I'd like to tell you that there is some magic potion that will give you life back, but there isn't.  It just takes time and the memories of what happened never really fades.  In a strange way we don't want them too.  We need to have them so it encourages us to continue our protection routines.   The fear of  having new  experiences was inspiration enough to never let our guard down.

With the exception of a few giggles from unseen children and a few things moving around, the house was calm.  Life was good and getting better.   Summer turned into Fall, Fall turned into Winter and the holidays were one of the best we had since we lived here.  Everyone was happy and healthy. 

We didn't talk about the show with anyone and things died down however that was about to change.  In late March of 2017, we got the call that our episode would be titled "Hell in the Heartland" and would air on May 6, 2017.   It would soon be publicly posted on the Travel Channel's website as well as promoted on The Dead Files social media pages.   As promised, our episode would be the season 8 premiere.

I knew some people in our town were still curious about the episode and when it would air.  Kearney is a small town and people talk.  It just takes one person to say something and it will spread like wildfire.   The curiosity about who had the haunted house was about to be revealed.

Our story was about to go public for the whole world to see.

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Talk In A Small Town

Filming of our Dead Files episode had ended.  We worked through the pain of ridding ourselves of the entities who had terrorized us for nearly eight long years.   We were slowly getting our lives back as well as  learning and understanding our abilities.

After the experience with the paranormal team that helped turned our lives upside down, we became withdrawn.   We did not go out much, we did not talk about our experiences and we stopped trying to figure out what was happening.   We, for lack of better phrase, given up on all hope.  This was our new way of life and death would be our only escape.   We suffered in silence.

Even though we accepted the fact that being on the Dead Files and putting our story out there was our only hope, we were still nervous on how we would be viewed in our small town.  However, as I said in an earlier blog post,  this was our last chance.

When filming ended in early June of 2016, the producers of the show asked us not to talk about the our episode-no media, no social media post, no telling friends.   They said the Travel Channel likes to keep future episodes under wraps until the show is scheduled to air.    Our producer said it could up to 6 months before the airing of our episode, maybe even longer.

We welcomed the break.  We need time to recover and gain control.  So we had no problem being quiet.

Then it happened.  The local paper got wind that the Travel Channel had filmed in Kearney and ran a brief article about it.   The news of a haunted farm in the area caused quite a stir and everybody wanted to know where and who it was.   Thankfully, the producers didn't disclose it was us when the reporter pushed them for more details.  We were keeping our end of the deal too because when the article was published we were still working on getting someone one to come and help us.

DOING WHAT GOOD REPORTERS DO.  THEY DIG

Small town news is mostly gossip, small town politics, who is doing what and local high school sports.  Our town is no exception.  That means sometimes, you have to dig to find an interesting story.  That interesting story was who was going to be on the Dead Files.  At first, everyone thought it was going to be the Jesse James Farm.  That seemed like the logically choice given the history of Kearney.  However, the farm adamantly denied it was them and speculation begin to run wild on who it was.   As any good reporter would do, she started to dig.  Asking around, talking to people in the community, reaching back out to the production company.  People who knew we had issues started asking if it was us.  We didn't need the attention so we said it wasn't.

The reporter continued to push and speculation began that it may us started again.  I really thought if we just stayed quiet this would all calm down, but it didn't.   I knew I had to do something so I called the reporter.   I told her it was us and we were just trying to live a quiet life.  We were still recovering from everything.   We needed time to heal.  I gave her a very high level overview of what we had been dealing with for the past 8 years.   I made a deal with her that if she backed off we would give her the first interview once we were clear to talk about our show and experiences.  She agreed and things calmed down for us.

Now we could get back to the most important thing; recovering from what had happened to us.

We were still withdrawn, beaten down by eight years of unknown things haunting and terrorizing us.  We were tired, confused and looking within ourselves for the strength to continue.   As time went on, things improved but we were a long way from whole.  Just because the filming had ended and we followed Amy's recipe, the pain of the experience didn't go away.   We needed time and the break gave us that time.

That year long wait between filming and when our episode aired was the most critical time for us.  It meant getting back to good.

Monday, May 27, 2019

You Must Remain Silent

She was gone and he was gone.  However, residual energy remained and "visits" from good and bad were still occurring.   Much of this was due to the fact that we had not fully learned to protect ourselves.  We were still shell shocked about our experiences which also caused us to suffer PTSD.  Learning to protect ourselves and our surroundings was hard and talking about it was just as hard, if not harder.

We knew we need to get a handle on our situation or we would be right back to where we were before Amy, Steve, and the rest of The Dead Files team helped us.   This was easier said then done.

If you remembered from our episode, Amy said there was a path of dead walking in front of our house.  It was still there after she left and is still there to this day.   Before we became strong enough and fully learned how to protect ourselves, it was a daily battle to keep them from coming in.  At times, we could not keep them out.

We spent time studying.  Trail and error was our best educator because we learned that every situation was different and we're not experienced enough to differentiate between situations. The "who, what, where and how" was still a frustrating mystery for us.  We sought help of others but were careful of those others.   We got the girls in counseling with a psychotherapist because we knew that someone like that would be more open to their experiences.  We needed to get them back to us.

We would still hear the whispers of children in our home, still see the figures walk in front of our windows.  They came from all walks of "after" life.  Women, men, outlaws, slaves, children, young, old; all lost and all not knowing where to turn so they turned to us.   Our first challenge was determining who was good and who bad.   Who was just lost or who was intent on doing harm. The last thing we wanted was to cast someone out who truly turned to us for help.  However, we weren't good enough to distinguish that yet.  Even if they communicated they just wanted help, we could not trust them.

I can only recall once where we knew that one lost soul needed help.   It was the first positive life changing experience for us.

It was August 2016, about 2 months after the filming of our episode.   I heard our front storm door open and shut.   Thinking it was just Jennifer letting dogs in or out, I initially thought nothing of it.  Then I remembered that Jennifer was in the shower.   As I walked toward the front of the house, a pungent order hit me.   It smelled of someone who had been outside working all day in the hot summer sun.  I knew immediately that someone was in our house.

At first a sense of terrible anxiety hit me.   My first thought was "what do I do?"

Jennifer was out of the shower  by this time and I remember her saying, "someone was watching me in the shower."

"Someone's here" I whispered

Then I saw him.  A tall African American man dressed in torn up clothes as if they were handed down to him from past generation.

I was stumbled backwards, not know what to say or do.

"What!"  Jennifer asked with a sense of fear in her voice, "Who's here?"

I collected myself and said out loud, "who are you?  Why are you here?"

"I am looking for my family.  My wife and daughter", he said in a voice that sounded like the faded end of an echo. 

He went on to say, "I mean no disrespect.  I was told they came this way."

The heartbreak in his face was overwhelming.

I looked at Jennifer and said, "He's looking for his family.  That's all"

Jennifer and both quickly had the same thought, let's help him.   Jennifer started to talk to him and I prepared the Sage and incense.   She told him his family was not at our house and that they were probably still moving forward on the path. 

I began the cleansing I had learned.  Saying the blessings and prayers.  While directing them at him specifically.  I prayed for help and guidance so that he could be reunited with his family.  I told him that they had not stopped here but if he kept moving forward he would find them.  He just had to have faith.  I told him staying with us would not get him closer to his family but would only increase the distance between them.  I told him to go.  Go and find his family.

Just like that, he was gone.  The smell was gone, the anxiety was gone and so was our fear.

It was the first time that we had ever helped someone move on without someone helping us.

It was empowering and we finally knew how to keep the others silent.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

All Bad Things Must Come To An End

She was gone, finally she was gone.  The dead woman who had tortured and terrorized our family for the past 8 years was no more.  However, there was one more thing we had to do.  An act of kindness which would prove difficult to stomach after all she had done to us.  We had to do a memorial for her at a place where she may had been buried prior to being moved to a cemetery near us.  That place was on the Southwest corner of our land.  Maybe she wasn't moved at all; maybe she was still under that huge oak tree;  maybe just a headstone was placed at the cemetery.  We will never truly know but what we did know was she was buried somewhere close to us.

The Reiki made it clear that the  memorial was something we must do to avoid any possibility of her coming back.  It would finally close the door to our suffering.  She told us we needed to do it that same evening, at sunset.  She said if she was still lingering she would be weak.  She would know that control had shifted to us.  So doing the memorial that evening would dash any hope she had of returning.

Still overwhelmed by what had just happened, the Reiki helped us with some calming and meditation exercises.  She wanted to give us some strength so we could do what we needed to done .   After she felt we were up to our next task, she was comfortable with leaving. 

"I feel you're ready now.  You're stronger than you were when I arrived.  This will be difficult emotionally for you, but it's the final step."  She said to us as we walked her to the door.

"Your next journey now begins.  The healing.  It will take time and just as much strength. You will have set backs, you may have visitors.  But you're more prepared than you were before.  Learn and understand your abilities. Don't shy away from them.  They're gifts you can use to protect yourself."  She went on to say.

"Heidi has a gift, a strong gift.  She needs to understand it & how to control it.  It can be a blessing or curse for her.  Work hard to make it a blessing."  She added as she opened her car door.

These words have been burned into my memory every since.

She never asked for money-not one dime.  Even when we asked her if we needed to pay her, she said no.  However, we insisted she take $100 for her time.  She took it, but was reluctant in doing so.

Sunset was coming and we were hurrying in putting a memorial service together.  We decided to keep it simple.  No heavy handed words would be spoken.  We would each say something but would keep short.

We went as a family carrying a candle, some flowers, and a pocket Bible.  It was a long walk to the spot but it felt like walk of freedom for us.  We all felt a sense of relief that this dark part of our lives was over.   We could finally be a happy and loving family again.  It had been a long time since we were one.

As we got the grave site, none of us said a word.   Heidi placed the flowers down near the headstone.  I placed the candle close to them.

"Can I light it Daddy?", Emi asked me.

"Of course."  I answered.

As Emi lite the candle, I begin to speak.  I told Etta that I hoped she was finally at peace.  I hoped that she found love, hope, and happiness.  Even though it was very difficult for me to say, I told her that I forgave her.

Jennifer, Heidi, and Emi all said something similar.  Each one of them ended with a word of forgiveness.

We finished by saying the Lord's Prayer.  That was it, we were done. 

The sun was setting as we made our way back to the house.  As I looked back, I could see the candle flickering rapidly.  Then, in an instant, it went out. 

I remembered thinking as I closed the gate to the Way Back pasture,  "Goodbye and good riddance Etta.  All bad things must come to an end."

Friday, January 4, 2019

Spiritual Confessions

Since Etta knew her time with us was nearly over, she was ready to talk.  An effort to cleanse her soul and to somehow try to justify all the things she had done.

At first she tried to speak to directly to everyone, however for some reason they couldn't hear her.  It upset her and she began to ramble; talking over herself again.  It was overwhelming me and causing a throbbing headache.

The Reiki notice my stress level rising.  When I told her what was happening. She spoke to Etta in a calm, reassuring voice.

"It's okay Etta, we all understand.  If you feel comfortable you can have Lance relay the messages.  You can speak your peace.  However before you do, I demand that you release Heidi.  Breaking any and ties you have on her as well as releasing any kind of claim you feel you have to her.  Do you understand?"  She said calmly.

"I understand" she whispered

At that point, she started telling everything she had done.  She said she was responsible for all of Heidi's aliments and issues.  She said she was jealous of her; her beauty, intelligence, and artistic talents.   Heidi was everything she wanted to be and she wanted the same attention for herself that I was showing Heidi.  She felt the only way to claim my attention was to divert it from her.  That meant trying kill her by any means possible.

Now, she understands that was wrong.  She was sorry that her actions caused Heidi to become frail and sickly.

"Please tell her that I am truly sorry for the pain I caused her. I beg for her forgiveness."  She said

She then began to speak about Emi.  She whispered that she was so sweet and innocent.  Even though she was jealous of the attention she got from me, she couldn't bring herself to harm her.  She tried being a friend to her and tried showing a side of herself that she hadn't shown to others.  However, she said she was sorry if she had scared her.

Her tone then changed to one filled with regret and sorrow as she begin to address Jennifer.

"I took the baby", she whispered, "I could not stand that you were with his child."

It was so difficult to tell Jennifer because had already been through so much.  Losing a child to miscarriage is heartbreaking but knowing someone else caused it just adds another heavy layer of heartache to it.  It was so painful to see her face as I told her what Etta had done.  She lowered her head and shook it slowly.  I could feel her emotional pain shoot through me like a cold wind.

Etta went on to say that she had caused all of Jennifer's other health problems;  unexplained weight gain, thinning hair, thyroid issues, failed gallbladder, depression, and all the other aliments.   Etta thought if she took her health it would cause me to leave.  If that failed, she felt the issues would kill her.  Either way, Etta would have me and that was her goal.

Etta went on to say she wanted everyone gone, only leaving me.  She said she was willing to do everything possible to terrorize, harm, destroy our family.   She mentioned she caused the mental breakdown issues with our oldest daughter, Londyn.  She said she terrorized Chloe and drove the divide between us.  Hoping Chloe would leave; runaway.

Her confessions gave us some closure and gave us answers to why we had all the issues.   She apologized repeatedly.

"I just wanted the joy of the family you had.  I thought if I had you, I could have that same joy."  She said to me and I relayed to the group.

She said she wrong to cause my pain and trying to drive me to suicide. It was selfish of her but she wanted the life that Jennifer and the girls had.  She wanted me to give her that life even it meant killing me to get it.

"Are you ready to go Etta?" the Reiki said softly.

There was a pause in the room.  No noise.  No words spoken.  finally Etta whispered, "will you pray for me?  will you remember me?"

"Of course we will", I told her.

"Do they forgive me?", she wanted to know.

We all told her we did and we just wanted her to be at peace.  We told her there would be loving family members waiting on her.

"Will he be there?  I fear him and do not feel safe." She insisted on knowing.

I could only assume that she was talking about the Hat Man.

"No, he won't follow you.  You'll be safe"

The Reiki opened her arms and asked Etta to come to her.  She told her it was time to go, time to move on.  She was forgiven and it meant she could leave.

"Goodbye.  You have a beautiful family please take care of the girls.  Raise them Christian."  I heard her saw as her voice begin to fade.

It was the last words I heard her speak.

The room brightened as the Sunlight beamed through the windows.  The Reiki took a deep breath and she rocked back in the chair.

The air in the room was clean and fresh.  It hadn't felt that way in very long time.

"She's gone" I said

"yes, she's gone." The Reiki said.

Our relief was overwhelming.   It was like having a 1,000 pound weight lifted off us.

The Reiki told us we had one more thing we needed to do.  We need to have memorial for her, a ceremony of sorts.  It would provide closure for her and more importantly, closure for us.  It would allow us to begin our long road to recovery.

The thought of having a memorial for Etta was difficult to stomach especially given everything that she had done.

It was the first true step on our journey to recovery.  Thankfully, we now had the map to get there but the road would be long and difficult navigate.



Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Coming Forward

The Reiki was scheduled for late in the afternoon.  The day had finally come for the crazy woman to move on to wherever she needed to go.  I was nervous and anxious;  counting the minutes until the appointment.

Everything we had done up to this point to protect ourselves seemed to be working.  The house was quieter, we felt more at ease, and the screaming had changed to a soft whimpering cry.  The end was near and she seemed to know it.

It was a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky.  The weather had been calm for nearly a week so we couldn't have timed the Reiki session any better.  We didn't talk about the Reiki coming while we were in the house.  Even though Etta knew she was coming, we didn't want her to know today was the day.

Although I was still angry at the crazy woman, I couldn't help but to feel slight empathy for her.  We knew that she died on the property but the circumstances surrounding her death were questionable.  Was she murdered?  Was it suicide? A tragic accident?  All Amy could tell us was that she felt her death was a mistake and that the true facts were covered up.  I couldn't help but imagine the pain and sorrow she must had felt.  However, none of this changed my true feelings toward her.  I wanted her gone and wanted her to stop slowly killing us.   Despite my empathy towards her, I felt no remorse sending her away by any means possible.

REIKI MASTER IN THE HOUSE!

She was finally here!  For the first time ever, we felt that our nightmare was about to come to an end.

She paused as she entered the house.  "I feel souls here.  One who feels trapped, the other feels as if they're a prisoner."

"One is angry.  One is confused and scared.  They lash out.  One feels threatened by the other."  She added.

She wanted to get a sense of what was happening and who was there.  She asked if she could walk around the house in order to get a feel for the emotions it held.  She asked us not to guide her or give her information.   She didn't want anything to distract her.

"Who is this?  Why is she here?" Etta whispered in my ear.

"Are you trying to send me away?  I will not speak with her!" She added as we all made our way to living room.

The Reiki asked to sit facing north and took the rocking chair facing that direction.   She told she could feel the crazy woman here but she wouldn't speak to her.  She felt she was confused and angry.

She began to speak to her.  In a calming voice at first, then in a sterner tone.  She spoke as if she was in the room standing next to her. 

"I know you're hurting.  I know you think you find comfort here.   You need to come forward"  She said in a calming tone. 

Then her tone changed.  "You need to come forward.  You cannot stay here.  This is no longer where you live. It's just where you're from and it's time to move on."

I felt the tension and anxiety in the air.  The house started feeling heavy.   A sadness began to overcome me as I started to tune out what the Reiki was saying.  Etta was there, I could feel her next to me and felt a touch on my face.

"I am sorry." I heard her whisper.

She was listening to the Reiki and she was scared.  The realization that she knew she was going to leave was overwhelming to her.  She became emotional; full of fear.   It was the first time I really sensed her emotionally.  It became overwhelming to me as she was talking faster with a level of panic.

"Will he be there!?!"  She said. 

I told her I didn't know who she was talking about.  The Reiki responded that she was going to a place where no one would harm her.  She would be at peace.

"When did you die?  What happened?  I need to know so I can help you."  The Reiki asked.

She didn't know.  She didn't understand what had happened to her.  She had no concept of time.  She told me her days never ended.  She had no memory of days, weeks, or years.  Time didn't exist to her.  No past, no present, no future.

She tried to talk to the others in room but only I could hear her.

"Why can they not hear me!?!  She screamed at me.

"I don't know.  I don't know."  I fearfully said out loud to her.   "Talk to them through me, I'll tell them what you say."

Calmness came back into the room.  It was peaceful.   I felt her sitting next to me again.  She began to open up emotionally. 

She wanted to talk to us, tell us everything.   She wanted to explain.  What she had to say would finally answer questions about what we had been through. 

She wanted to confess; she wanted forgiveness.


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The Waiting

After the Dead Files crew had packed up and left, we had things to do.  First and foremost was getting our house back and ridding ourselves ...

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